I had fiddle leaf fig tree envy for months, maybe even years. Every other gorgeous interior shot on Pinterest and all the legit bloggers have fiddle leaf figs. They just scream, “Oh yeah. This room is so awesome that a giant plant just lives here 24/7.”
I wanted one. In the worst way. But I was pained by my inability to grow even a basil. If you’ve been hanging around this blog or my Instagram a while, you must have heard about my serial plant killing skills. I don’t just have a “black thumb”, my whole arm might as well be deadly. I love plants. But they rarely love me back.
The day I brought him home…
Lucie: Oh hey, how are you doing? Did you eat dinner yet? (Nonchalantly trying to change the subject before the conversation even started.)
William: Whooo. It’s a tree!! (Almost chokes on his chewing gum as he sees the tree.)
Lucie: I can handle this!! Apparently the larger the plant, the harder it is to kill. (Lie.)
Lucie: Plus it was totally on sale, and I couldn’t pass up a good deal. (Another lie.)
Lucie: Doesn’t he look gorgeous next to the couch?!
William: Sure…This week he does. (Hums the funeral march)
Lucie: (Whispers to the plant…) Don’t listen to him. You have your whole life ahead of you.
When I brought Darwin home, I vowed to keep him alive. Come hell or high water.
Here are my very unofficial tips for keeping fiddle leaf fig trees happy:
1. Name your tree: He needs to feel like one of the family. Plus, if you name him (or her?) it’s likely you’ll remember to take care of him more like a pet and less like a houseplant.
2. Keep it entertained: Sometimes I’m singing it the Beatles when I come home from work, other times we’re watching F.R.I.E.N.D.S together. Darwin seems to like both. Equally.
3. Fiercely guard against plant terrorists (aka – me): Don’t let people who know s**t about plants take care of your baby. OK, I won’t lie, it complicates things a little bit when the person is you. After I removed some of its brown mini leaves this morning, I’m required to consult all my steps with Google and William first:
Scared to strike out for the 1,000th time with a plant, much less a gorgeous fiddle leaf tree? I’m telling you, it’s worth the risk to try and I will continue to do all of the above. For as long as we both shall live.